i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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