Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
