so that wasnt chicken after all
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
