Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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