i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
