Do you still have your period?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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