I feel like abortions should bother me more
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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