guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need a hoe opinion
go on
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
