did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
