one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
