he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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