Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How does one acquire holy water?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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