Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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