The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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