i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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