so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
