So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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