Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
