i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
