Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
