I faked an abortion last night.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
