I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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