There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
COCAINE IS GR8
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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