yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
