No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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