Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
