yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
porn star boner night. come get it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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