Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
