There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
