I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
