stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
