I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
