Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
