So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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