I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
