ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
