kristin has been a bad kristin
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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