I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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