Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You pole danced in your parka.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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