I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
