Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
