My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
