oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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