one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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