he looks like a really good dad on facebook
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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