What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
