you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Mom said you looked used
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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