so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
