i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He did a backflip because drugs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
