I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
