cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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