i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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