Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
